my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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