i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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