I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
