dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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