We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
