I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
