dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Who wears a wallet chain?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
