you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
