Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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