I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
