I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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