I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
