I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
