white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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