Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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