Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
