I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
