She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
