Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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