I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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