2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
someone owes me an orgasm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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