apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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