he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
