please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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