How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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