Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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