I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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