I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
