It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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