We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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