he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
