Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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