I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
