I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
