I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
