God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
