2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
