they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
