I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
