i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
