When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
