i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
