I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
