I wish I could punch you in the face.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
