I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
