My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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