I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
