my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do vagina's smell?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
