he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
