He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
