So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
