I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
